Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Hiatus

Im sorry to all my faithful readers out there. I had to take a hiatus from this blog. I just got in a funk with all the major failures we've endured around here. The potty training fiasco really brought me down. I gained about ten pounds just from stress eating. And I just felt like the whole thing was a colossal mistake. Then to top off our sundae with a cherry was the trip we recently took to my parents house.... THIRTEEN hours away. Yeah.... Our very first adventure away from home with my girls was a living nightmare.

It started out just me, the girls, and my parents. Jared stayed behind and was just going to come pick us all up after about a week and a half. The ride there was brutal. My poor mom ending up having to sit on the floor board in the back seat of my dad's truck so she could have easy access to the girls. Yep. Just a preview into our trip. The girls would drop stuff or scratch their sister, ect and we were constantly having to get out of our seats to attend to them and this just made it "easier." Then, on day 2 of the drive there, Abigail had some sort of a terrifying experience that completely took the trip on a downward spiral.

We were at a park and she was walking around in the dirt with sticks around and she just went crazy. Screaming bloody murder, froze up and shaking. We still have no idea what happened (she didn't get bit by anything; that was the first thing I checked for.) I think she thought a stick was a snake and it brushed her leg and viola. Anyway, for the next WEEK that child would NOT walk on the floor, any floor or grass, ect. Im not kidding. I literally had to carry her EVERYWHERE! Can you imagine?? With two other ones to tend to as well. She wouldn't sleep in the crib only her pack n play which is tiny, she wouldnt play on the floor with toys, nothing. A light just went off inside her and it was horrifying to see. My poor sweet parents did all they could to help me but at the end of the day, there was nothing anyone could do. The girls all wanted me to hold them and help them adjust to new surroundings and I just couldnt do it for everyone at the same time. It was a horrible emotional nightmare.  After I had had enough, Jared  made an emergency flight out to Alabama. Abbi wasn't healed immediately but she made tremedous progress once he was there with her.

Anyway, by that point I just wanted to get home in familiar territory and I think the girls did too. I was totally bummed that the trip wasn't more of a pleasant experience for them and me. Next time I know that we go NOWHERE without Jared with us. Its hard not to let it make you feel like a disaster of a mother. Again, I found myself in a situation where Im outnumbered and overmatched. It shouldn't be this way. My sweet mother was in tears with me at the end of one horrific day and she said "I dont know how in the world you do this everyday, Ashlee. Its just not supposed to be this hard, sweetie." I just sobbed and had a little pity moment and said "Its not fair." Sometimes I really feel like its not fair this is going to be my experience as a mother. Thankfully those moments are just my low points talking and most of my days are good ones where I can plainly see how very blessed I am.

Well the drive back was only semi better. We rented a van (which opened my eyes to wonders!! We will be getting a van ASAP!) Even though Jared was now with us, it was just Jared and me against three. So it was tricky. We stopped at chick fila for about 2 hours and I literally changed 6 poopy diapers in that time... We checked into the only available hotel in the area and found out it was a dump so we turned around and loaded everything back in the van and drove all night to get home. We got home around 3 am. The girls, needless to say, were completely beside themselves. We all were.

All in all, it will be a while before I venture out again. And this is why I haven't felt like blogging. Im almost as tired of seeing these kinds of posts on my blog as much as you all are. I am happy to say my Abbi is back to her normal perfect self and I think they have all forgiven me for putting them through that travesty. Well no one can say I didnt try right?

4 comments:

  1. What is it with all the "multiples" rebelling lately? I just read another twin mom blog who's had crazy things like this happen lately. It's like they're all trying to take us down at once!

    Sorry your trip wasn't easier. Glad Abbi is normal again... You really are a my hero!

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  2. I'm sorry. Every time you post something like this, I feel so guilty for leaving you guys. I wish I could help you out and do college at once.

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  3. I've been there. I often those thoughts. Mom and I have had that same conversation. This is a hard thing we do. Try getting a hotel room by yourself for a night sometime. It's helped me when I feel like I'm losing it.

    Also, I can't believe you made it this far without a van!

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  4. What a story! Not too many years down the road you'll look back on things like this and realize how much they built your character; also how great it is to have life in control but that you actually miss the chaos. We miss our little rug rats and can't believe how time has flown and our chicks have left the nest. Some days it's just a matter of enduring. You are a great example of that, Ashlee.

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