As soon as I got to the clinic yesterday they had me take off my clothes and lay down. I was terrified. I had no idea what procedures they were gonna do and I just wanted to throw up. They started with the ultrasound, but not on the belly (if you know what I mean). Literally 5 minutes after I got naked for a stranger, she told me I was having two babies. I sat up and said "WHAT!" "YOUR LYING!" "NO WAY!" and I laid back down to get my nerves under control. Not even 30 seconds later, she said "Oh my Gosh!" "There's another one!" I didn't even have words by this point. So she looked at me and said "Three. Triplets." I just started bawling. From about 1:45 yesterday till I fell asleep, I didnt stop crying.
Im terrified. There are no words to describe what Im feeling. Im just so scared. We didn't even use fertility drugs and we'd only been trying for a few months and now.... overwhelmed. Im using that word ALOT these days. Im scared of the tests and procedures and C-section and needles and blood and IVs... I just feel like this tiny little person now expected to climb Mt Everest. Am I strong enough for this? There are a lot of tiny people relying on me to be so there's your answer.
My Aunt Jackie brought me to the reality of this. She said "Heavenly Father will take care of you. You and those babies will make it just fine because He will be there to help you all through this. No problem." I wish I had her undaunted faith on this, but Im just gonna lean on hers for a little bit while I come to terms at what this is all going to entail. The toll this will take on my body, our finances, our plans, our life is just almost too much to take in. Im scared. But Heavenly Father has called on me and I will go and do. He knows something I don't. I trust in Him, I do. But Im just so scared. All my babies have to be ok. They have to be healthy. Thats what is most important.