Tuesday, January 12, 2010

There are no words...

I think most of you know about our recent news and the outpouring of love has been truly amazing. It's true... Jared and I are expecting 3 little ones. I still feel like Im having an outer body experience and that yesterday didn't really happen. It all feels like a whirlwind; it happened so fast.
As soon as I got to the clinic yesterday they had me take off my clothes and lay down. I was terrified. I had no idea what procedures they were gonna do and I just wanted to throw up. They started with the ultrasound, but not on the belly (if you know what I mean). Literally 5 minutes after I got naked for a stranger, she told me I was having two babies. I sat up and said "WHAT!" "YOUR LYING!" "NO WAY!" and I laid back down to get my nerves under control. Not even 30 seconds later, she said "Oh my Gosh!" "There's another one!" I didn't even have words by this point. So she looked at me and said "Three. Triplets." I just started bawling. From about 1:45 yesterday till I fell asleep, I didnt stop crying.
Im terrified. There are no words to describe what Im feeling. Im just so scared. We didn't even use fertility drugs and we'd only been trying for a few months and now.... overwhelmed. Im using that word ALOT these days. Im scared of the tests and procedures and C-section and needles and blood and IVs... I just feel like this tiny little person now expected to climb Mt Everest. Am I strong enough for this? There are a lot of tiny people relying on me to be so there's your answer.
My Aunt Jackie brought me to the reality of this. She said "Heavenly Father will take care of you. You and those babies will make it just fine because He will be there to help you all through this. No problem." I wish I had her undaunted faith on this, but Im just gonna lean on hers for a little bit while I come to terms at what this is all going to entail. The toll this will take on my body, our finances, our plans, our life is just almost too much to take in. Im scared. But Heavenly Father has called on me and I will go and do. He knows something I don't. I trust in Him, I do. But Im just so scared. All my babies have to be ok. They have to be healthy. Thats what is most important.

5 comments:

  1. Ashlee! I would be overwhelmed too, I just can't imagine. But I am here, if not physically at least to talk if you want/need to! Your aunt is right, Heavenly Father will take care of you. Your faith has helped me get through some stuff, and I know it is strong enough for you, and that everything will be just great!! You ARE strong enough. How awesome it will be to have three little ones running around! I'm really so excited for ya!

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  2. I teared up reading this Ashlee. I haven't been able to get you off my mind since we talked. You can do it. Looking at these beautiful gifts God is giving you the day they are born will say enough. It doesn't say any where that you can't have faith if you scared. I think that's okay. I think its normal. You got this! You do!

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  3. You just need to remember that Heavenly Father has chosen you to take care of these 3 special babies and no one else can do that job. They are yours. It may not be what you had in mind or go with what your plans are but it is definitely what the big man has in store for you. Some day you'll look back and you won't even remember your plans. Everything will be as it should be. We love you and are praying for a healthy momma and 3 healthy babies!

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  4. Remember when we talked about how you can't plan your life because unexpected things just happen? Even though you were planning on one baby, I know if anyone can handle three, it's you!! I'm so excited about this! You are my first friend to have multiples. I know you'll be a fabulous mommy times 3!! And just think, three babies for only one pregnancy! That's definitely a positive, right? Good luck. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed, but you'll be fine because you're the best. :)

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  5. You will get through this with 3 healthy, happy babies...I wish I could go through all the pain for you, because you know I would,, but Heavnly Father picked you so that says something. Gwens right you'll look back on this and not remember other plans..especially when you look into those eyes of your special little ones..what an experiance that is.

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