Wednesday, February 29, 2012

no words

Monday started out as such a great day. The girls and I played so good, they took a good nap, we went for a walk and then watched a movie, then 4 pm hit. They started getting so fussy, especially Mia. I put on Sesame Street so that I could start dinner. But Mia was starting to attack her sisters. (She bites.) So to keep a closer eye on her I let her in the kitchen with me to play with cups while I made dinner. When Abbi saw what was going on, chaos ensued. I either had to let all of them in or put them all out and let them scream. All I had to do was boil the ravioli so I thought I could let them play with the pots and pans for 6 minutes....

It happened so fast! I just needed to put a jar in the fridge when I saw Abbi by the stove. I didnt want her to get splashed with boiling water (never even crossed my mind that she could even REACH the stove top!) so I thought to myself I would put the jar up and then move her (I was even doing that as I was thinking it) and before I could close the fridge door Abbi was screaming. I thought she had in fact been splashed by the hot water, no idea her fingers had just been on the burner. Until her crying became harder and harder and she held up fingers. I could even smell it, burnt flesh. I panicked! I thought I would throw up I felt so sick about being such an idiot!

Thankfully Jared was just pulling up the driveway and I ran out side and told him what happened, holding my screaming child. She of course wanted Jared over me (dont blame her) and he did his best to calm her. We put her hand under water, put ice on it, borrowed burn cream from our neighbors, gave her tylenol, put on her favorite sesame street song, everything. Nothing worked. She screamed for an hour straight. All this was going on while I still had 2 other babies to feed and then bathe and getting ready for bed. It took EVERYTHING in me not to loose it. The sound of your child screaming in sheer pain and confusion is the MOST horrendous sound in the word. Jared and I finally decided to call the doctor and they said to take her to the ER. We were weary because we still havent paid off the last visit from Thanksgiving. But Abbi's screams made up our minds. Jared drove her while I bathed and put the other two girls to bed.

After I laid them down I lost it. I called my mom and told her what happened, just sobbing. I was horrified that I made such a stupid rookie mistake, but also because I actually felt that with three babies I was completely over my head. I feel unqualified for this job all the time but this was a new low. A new feeling of complete inadequacy. When the parent makes a mistake, it shouldn't be the child's finger that gets burned. It wasn't fair.

Well Abbi is fine now. She is such a trooper. The doctors basically didnt do anything for her but give us more burn cream. We keep it covered and she just holds that hand out all the time. We are giving her tylenol but she just acts like her normal self. My sweet Abbi. It will take a while for me to forgive myself for this one....

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Abigail. Oh, Ashlee! I just want to hug you both! Abbi for her sore fingers and you for your sore heart. That sounds absolutely terrible. I'm so sorry you both had to go through that. Give Abbi kisses from her Auntie.